i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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