ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My vagina just clenched in fear
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
