the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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