I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
