i think i have two assholes
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
