just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
