I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
