Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
