how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
