Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
