so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
