it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
