I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You have to summon your inner elephant
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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