The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
