3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
