I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You need Xanax blowdarts
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
