im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize