i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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