I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My breasts were aching with rage.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
