I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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