I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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