GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
