Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
