the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
