ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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