you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
