It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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