i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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