He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I won't apologize to a one balled man
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
