I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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