some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
