Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
someone owes me an orgasm
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
