this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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