God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
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Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
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Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You are a genius and a whore.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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