what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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