guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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