hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
