my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
