If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
