Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
