Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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