oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
