New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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