we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
