I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
