I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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