I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
