I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
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I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
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