Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
time to smoke my breakfast
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
