DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
