So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
