Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
