Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
