I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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