will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
