right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
