I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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