the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
