That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize