i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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