even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
