It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
