The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
