I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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